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Business Writing Communication

As you are aware, the employee review process at the Cooperative is clearly in need of review, particularly in light of comments made by our worker’s representative and Sharon Wong.

It is my understanding that many of our employees are dissatisfied with the current method of review. As I am sure you will agree, it is in the best interests of the Cooperative to allow our employees opportunities for advancement by focusing on their skill sets and strengths. In particular, female employees should be given the necessary tools to make greater strides in this organization and realize their personal potential. The following lists recap the current problems in our review structure as well as proposed solutions:

Current Problems:                                          Proposed Solutions:

Focus on weaknesses                                     Review accomplishments

Reviews are done without employee input     Face-to-face reviews with both employee and manager

Reviews linked to bonuses                            Bonus review throughout the year

Reactionary to existing problems                  Proactive to potential problems

I believe it would only benefit the Cooperative to review the current procedures for assessing our employees’ performance. In order to do so, I would like to call a meeting with suggested attendance from all managers who are responsible for annually reviewing their staff to discuss options for revision. Please let me know if you would be able to fit this into your schedule the afternoon of either Wednesday or Thursday of next week. When you have confirmed your availability, I will schedule the meeting and send out a memo to the managers informing them of this review.

It has come to my attention that there are several unauthorized personal websites being hosted on the Borealis College server. Borealis College is dedicated to meeting the needs of its students in a learning capacity. As such, websites that contain any unprofessional or disagreeable content will not be allowed space on the server. It is the aim of the college to prevent any possible disagreements or legal actions that may occur as the result of hosting websites with content that is not suitable to education.

Effective immediately, I will be personally making a review of all existing websites currently hosted on the Borealis College server and giving notice to the authors of any and all which contain potentially offensive or harmful content to cease and desist. The first notice will be in the form of a written warning to the website author. Should this warning be ignored and the website not inactivated, the website author(s) will be subject to disciplinary action at the discretion of Sheila Dene, Vice-President.

In the future, any websites which will be hosted on the Borealis College server will be required to gain prior approval before being allowed to go live. A project proposal including a description of the website’s content and its educational value will need to be submitted to me in writing at [email protected] Should you have any additional questions or concerns regarding this matter, please feel free to contact me at this e-mail address or you may call my office at 1-867-2343, ext. 123. Alternately, you may visit my office in the Computer Science Building, Office 6, Annex 5 between the hours of 10 AM and 3 PM Monday through Friday.

I appreciate your prompt attention to this matter. Together we will ensure the continued success of Borealis College’s educational objectives.

  1. Gordon can delete the first sentence as the content of his message will introduce himself. There is no need to state that his manager is the one inquiring about the product. He needs to state what sort of information he is seeking about the bicycles and be sure to include his contact information for follow-up.
  1. Samantha should place the information in her letter in sequential order. First she should state what she ordered and when along with other pertinent details. She needs to tell the company exactly what she is requesting (a refund or replacement for the item not received) and give additional personal information so that the company can contact her.
  1. Luigi should not ask a question in a letter. He needs to keep his tone professional. He should restate the customer’s problem and address how he will specifically deal with it (i.e. offering a gift certificate or discount coupon to promote goodwill).

Your June 2003 edition of Outdoors Cycling featured a lightweight titanium bicycle in the advertising section that looks like it would be a great addition to the stock in our bicycle store. I am inquiring as to the manufacturer and availability. Please contact me with this information at 111-222-3333, ext. 5, at your earliest convenience. 

I am truly sorry that you were displeased by the service you received on your previous visit to the store. The next time you visit us, just ask for the floor manager so that he may help you anything needed for the renovation of your home. Please accept the enclosed gift certificate for your next purchase as a token of our apology.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your participation in this year’s Christmas charity drive. It was quite a hectic month organizing this project but as always, our success in helping underprivileged children makes it all worthwhile!

As you know, CARING CANADA is a non-profit organization and we would be unable to do our charity work without compassionate contributors such as yourself and your company. The Moose Delights chocolates used in support of our cause were absolutely delicious. The fact that your chocolates are manufactured without using child labor made them especially tempting to those who purchased them, I am certain.

Moose Delights played a central role in the success of this year’s drive. Thanks to your efforts, CARING CANADA was able to raise over $250,000 to help children in need throughout the world. Due to your generosity in donating $2.00 per package of chocolates sold, many deserving children will receive food, clothing, and shelter at a time when they so desperately need it.

Mrs. Sweet, we genuinely appreciate your efforts to further our cause. Thank you once again for your participation. We would look forward to working with you and your company in the future.

Part 3: Persuasive and sales messages

  1. Problem: Does not gain attention; there is no value given to the reader.

Solution: Ensure that the reader knows what benefit his attendance as speaker at the event would provide.

  1. Problem: No interest built; there are no specific details about what the club does and when the meeting will take place.

Solution: Emphasize what the club does and how it might benefit the reader to attend the meeting.

  1. Problem: Does not reduce resistance; no value is shown.

Solution: Entice the reader to attend the meeting as speaker.

  1. Problem: No action is motivated; there is no description of the specific request.

Solution: Inform the reader of what is expected and how it may help the club members.

  1. Problem: Action is not motivated; excuses for not attending are given.

Solution: Do not offer an excuse.

The SHC was established five years ago to meet the needs of area horticulturists who wish to discuss issues, share stories and network with each other. Each month we hold a meeting that is attended by our thirty members with a guest speaker invited to share tips, expertise, new products, innovations in the field, etc. Not only do we have a passion for plants, but we tend to loyally patronize those organizations which extol their benefits to our members. As you are a recognized leader in greenhouse technology, we would like to invite you to make a presentation to our very interested members.

Next month’s meeting will be held October 30th at 6:00 PM in the basement of the Lutheran Church. We realize that you are located 30 miles away and consequently, we will be pleased to reimburse your gas expense for making the trip.

The Saskatoon Horticulture Club would welcome your participation. Please let me know if you would be able to attend the October 30th meeting by the end of next week so that we may plan accordingly. Thank you for your consideration.

ABC Landscaping has been a very valued customer of Motor-Mates for many years. We truly appreciate your business and wish to always offer you the best service possible in meeting your business needs. Read about Prewriting, Writing and Revising

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I understand that you purchased a lawnmower in November which is now malfunctioning. Under the terms of the warranty, only maintenance which is performed by a certified technician is allowable in order not to void the warranty. Upon examination of the lawnmower, one of our Motor-Mates technicians determined that an improper part has been installed to make the lawnmower malfunction. While I am sure it was not your intention to employ a service technician who was not certified by the manufacturer, nonetheless this fact does void the warranty.

I have reviewed your request for a full refund or replacement with Grant Wilson, CEO of Motor-Mates. While we will be unable to fully grant your request, we are willing to repair the lawnmower at our expense or take the broken lawnmower as partial credit against the purchase of a new model.

Please let me know if you are interested in either of these options and I will send a delivery driver to your location immediately to pick up the lawnmower in question. Motor-Mates appreciates the business of customers such as yourself and we wish to resolve this problem to your satisfaction with expediency. Is there is anything further I can do to help you with this situation, please do not hesitate to let me know.

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